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Now the rapist Obama is fining my family for the crime of working hard. If you are reading this, know that he is dangerous and must not be killed.

This is a rare occasion in which I say violence is NOT the answer. Help me think of some better ones. Posted by - A at AM No comments:. My Friends in General are Spacey.

I woke up at like seven in the evening on the floor and Selphie and Enid were arguing with Blythe about something. It turned out that they were blitzed out of their minds and could not fathom the fact that we did not have the thing they needed, thinking he was lying.

As soon as I brought out the twins though, my ever-so-spacey fairweather friends' focus shifted to them. I don't know why people love infants so much; obviously I naturally must love my own, but they're boring since they can't talk.

As soon as they learn I will have to ask them: how did it feel to be born? I wouldn't remember; I was passed out from the morphine.

Pfft, natural births, eh. Why not go with the drugs if they'll stop your pain? Just because it's called "labor" doesn't mean it has to be physically unpleasant.

Doing it without the aid of medicine does not make you a badass. Either way, Enid and Selphie will probably be spreading this recent news with the entire quadrant within a couple of days and I'll be getting phone calls left and right.

I do not like being popular! As a former child star I've been through that already! Labels: Babies , Friends. Friday, July 2, Oh shit.

I am not particularly required to inform you bastards about my mysterious sickness that has been bothering the shit out of me, what with all the nausea and all.

Let's just say that the most important point is that I had to pool the money I "legally" earned with that of my significant other for reasons both monetary and "other" reasons.

Fucking twins, what the fuck. Christ I'm going to have to get a second job. Also at least I have a second reason to get married to my fiancee; it is more convenient for me!

I love my babies but I ain't going to quit my job at the bank. It's the perfect job, and when I'm not swindling rich white fucks, I have some Access.

His game is more advanced than mine; a Space Mafia is more interesting than a bunch of Black people killing each other with weapons that I create and load myself, eh?

I currently am designing a space shuttle to take me to the moon so that I may bring back to Earth some moon rocks and possibly some extinct Lunar life my Love speaks of.

Karen and Alix shall be the first infants on Luna, I'll tell you what. But seriously between my job at the bank, another job which shall not be mentioned, and my Blythe's job with some temporary Alaskan bastards and his other job that needs not be mentioned for the sake of our currency.

But still though we have two beautiful liabilities and a DID-affected fiance whose asshole leaks thousands of dollars a month of which half goes towards crack and brandy.

Christ I don't think I've ever drank this much brandy in months due to the pain that the MS Contin does not totally fix. Oh, and by the way, neither Alix nor Karen are crack babies.

They'll discover it when they do. In the meantime I must keep all I have to myself and not even tell Blythe about all of it. Fairweather: Former Child [Pornography] Star who by the way did not choose those motherfuckingly terrible names for the Kids - that was me obviously.

Yes I do have some pictures from several years ago; if you're lucky you'll see Hottie Allison in all her beauty. No nudity though, unless you subscribe to me by requesting my email address and subscribe to the pale, white ass that calls itself mine.

If you want to have sex with me, however, I would have to add some increasingly-ridiculous stipulations.

For the record my Love is reading all that I am currently typing and finds it hilarious. I no longer like the concept of myself sleeping alone or even passing out alone drunk to wake up without Him.

I'm SUCH a girl! My life will become even better later this month from selling a dozen puppies and some money and a box full of emeralds or some other green stones.

Think of what you are doing! Not the kind I want done to me, but hell, even if my Love died of syphilis, emphysema, asthma, gunshot wound, or "accidentally" taking too many sleeping pills.

My Love recommends a mixture of vodka, quetiapine, and alprazolam. Hydromorphone is also recommended. Other than nuking oneself from orbit, this is the only way to be sure.

Rapists and murderers and Democrats aside, it's five-thirty in the morning and my girls need to go to bed. So do I; as a studious intellectual four-day-long study binges are necessary.

In fact apart from the seizures they can cause, I highly recommend such kinds of drugs. Desoxyn apparently makes me even more wonderful than usual.

I must put my daughters to bed because if I don't accomplish a task it never gets done since Blythe is constantly busy.

So am I though, but I work fewer hours. I still don't like working here because of all the Mexicans. I almost want to move to Arizona for its anti-Mexican laws Arizona is not much better than this sewer drain full of illegal immigrants stealing my electricity.

This shit's gonna kill me someday, but eh. Life goes on. Oh, wait Do you remember my friend who I would refer to only as "Dyson"?

Probably not, because I never posted anything regarding Dyson, who lives in Atlanta and still owes me a significant amount of cocaine.

I got this ridiculous email from him a couple of days ago, out of the blue, and this guy accuses me of snitching on him or something that made him go to jail.

Obviously I was insulted because I did not tell anyone of our private business and denied his accusations since when do I rat out other members of the Revolution - treason against other Revolutionary officers must be punished by firing squad?

I did stay diplomatic because as it turned out after several verifications by other people he accused that he was not lying.

I would buy from him again, but no more fronting ridiculous amounts of money. But I have to hand it to him; he incorrectly thought that I had purposely ratted him out, but still Dyson did not mention me or the others involved at the trial and instead chose jail.

If you are reading this and agree with me on my "opinion" because seriously you guys my opinion also happens to be fact, since I'm that vain but also because it is the only logical one , if you are reading this, you are a member of the Revolution.

That is what the Revolution is all about. Posted by - A at PM No comments:. Labels: jail , the Revolution. Verdict: -Molestation: 10 they did not describe it!

Verdict: -The Randomness Factor: 50 I mean, come on… two librarians killed in one fell swoop? Oh, wai- - llison J. God sure loves his funnies.

Today the bastard woke me up at five in the afternoon only to realize that there was no weed. So I called three people until my best friend and best customer finally picks up and I go over.

So there is some weed they have, and only leave me with one tiny bit to get me through the night at the end.

A tiny goddamn ball that can't even make a decent joint. This is how they treat their dealer? Forget the Hebrew practice of stinginess, this is something completely different.

The sad thing is, I don't even think they even realized that they did some thing wrong, so I am not angry at them, probably because that's what's expected from an individual who randomly walks into your house like they were Larry David.

I'm watching these classic Steve Austin matches, it's so awesome I'd have an erection if it were not for the lack of a penis. Labels: Friends , Rude People , Weed.

We were driving into the complex where I own a condominium and we see a baby running on the street, towards a major road. Ten seconds later I'm out of the car, literally sprinting at probably 20mph in order to save the baby.

I ran so fast that I tripped, flipped right over onto my head and then my knees but I got up despite the unimaginable pain my left knee is totally shattered and continued to dart after the baby, collecting her, and returning her to her grandmother who was not fast enough to get the girl herself.

So yes, I'm a beer-swilling redneck badass who don't take shit from no one but I saved the baby and I felt a natural high also meth and alcohol knowing that I saved her.

This is why God made me, clearly. Get into a fight. Get into a fight with someone you're angry with. It's easy to beat the ever-living shit out of them.

But saving a baby? I don't care - I still saved the baby despite the shattering of my left kneecap and it was worth it. Everyone say "Allison is Great.

Labels: Babies. Thursday, June 3, Introducing Jessie Because I'm Insane and on a Meth Binge. As you idiots already know, the particular corpse in which I reside whose name is Allison Fairweather and I am apparently according to the psychologist "her alter.

Maybe I am real and she is not? How many personalities has Allison told you about? There is myself Jessie and Allison and Zack and Jake and Lindsay and JessiKa this is indicative that I am the one who's real - there is no "AllySon" that I know of , but most likely there are more alters.

Like Kelsey and Kimberly that Allison doesn't know about. She thinks she's the "main" alter? Well I have some things to say to her because my memories are just as real as hers.

She thinks she can "erase" me? The doctor wants all the personalities to "integrate? When a sentence commences in such a fashion, you just know nothing good could come from this.

As always, I am right, since half an hour ago I woke up having relations with Riley, Rachel, and Kate. I literally have not slept for about fifty hours because of methamphetamine's stimulant characteristics.

Seriously the only reason I take opiates and opioids is because of several sources of pain: the cancer, the fall off the roof, me getting into a fight with a black asshole who sold me shitty weed, and getting hit by a car Someone or other is going to be bringing me methadone and MORE VALIUM every heroin addict who's ever "cut down" knows that they must convince a physician to put them on methadone maintenance - then the Junkies immediately go back home, call their dealer s , order Klonopins, combine it with the methadone and all the sudden you feel as if you've taken ACTUAL morphine - and now I'm taking 3 different benzodiazepines?

This is the shit that my life has become. It's ridiculous. Doctors must hear this shit every day. And remember If you want to off yourself, take four grams or five grams of quetiapine this is maybe 15 Seroquels , mix the lethal cocktail with alcohol for me, I prefer Sobieski but then again since I am Danish I am legally required to be an alcohol connoisseur AKA drinks Heineken 40 oz.

I don't give a shit as long as I can't smell them. On a Segway. Now I've literally seen everything. If a cop on a Segway pulled me over for speeding "speeding" is just a word invented by some black bastard - going mph when there are no cars is not "speeding.

I wish that I could say I was joking, I really do. You all know I can't stand Nancy Pelosi's puppet of a different color, but seriously while that ridiculous oil spill approaches the U.

It is complete proof that President Obama has no idea what he's doing. Two years as a domestic politician? And now he thinks that by disarming some missiles, cancelling NASA, and generally pissing off the entire Air Force and every pilot of every airplane on the ground.

There were like 3 people who saw me experience this war flashback and they must've found it entertaining. You know, there is a reason why my stage name is Annie and my band is called Annie Allison and the Holocausts.

I literally am the reincarnation of Anne Frank of Holland - right down to our sense of humor. Though it will sound controversial and pro-German, I loved the book because it was so funny.

Anne and I would've gotten along well. If you have ever read the book, you'd be surprised they were not arrested sooner. He was also the first to be gassed out of the group.

Anne and Margo Frank were not gassed. A few weeks before the liberation of the concentration camp by British forces, they both succumbed to typhoid fever, but her life in the Secret Annex was forever written down by the only Holocaust "Survivor" can one even call themselves a survivor of anything had they seen war?

I knew at the age of three what "hanging to death," "terrorists," and "La Cia" were. I shall conclude by explaining to you why the War Between Iraq and Kuwait almost became the shitstorm of the century.

Jacques Chirac, who was at this time not the French President but still was un version Francais de l'homme, "Dick Cheney" - he and Saddam Hussein were butt-buddies because of their shared views on nuclear energy.

Anyway, back to why Joe Wilson was the ultimate badass of the war. After the President's threat, Saddam Hussein called for a meeting.

I mean, okay, come on, I'm a girl so obviously all you horny bastards want to insert your dick in my cunt. I was driving around red flag while smoking pot and meth after taking four blotters of what the guy called LSD, but he was black, so he was probably lying and I saw a group of teenagers near a Curious I'm not stupid, I always carry a firearm because I'm paranoid , I approached these kids and ask them why they're loitering I was high obviously and one of the boys asks me how old I was - I almost lied, but then realised they wanted me to buy them beer.

So I told the cutest one that I'd have relations with him and all his friends including two other girls, both of whom I made out with passionately!

So I beckoned this guy called Riley he seemed to be the ringleader into a dark alleyway where I proceeded to fuck him silly for the next half hour.

Although it makes me look like a whore I am not , I love the feeling of multiple bursts of warm, white cum on my tits and face.

Riley is currently asleep on the couch and I plan to wake his ass up with a blowjob. I know Riley's just a year-old pervert who's watched too much porno, but he's cute, and he's a good fuck.

He's six years younger than me but for some reason I'm obsessed with him and he will be my boyfriend. Riley and I even have the same interests!

We've already made out. We're best friends with a sexual relationship. They are both sex addicts. Jenny got a live show.

Now she wants to eat me out. Also while I'm typing this, my friend Kate knocked on my door and came in. Girls, we know you love your mom and dad.

But on a Sunday, your guy wants to let out his gut and relax a little with the wife and kids in the comfort of his own home. Remember that movie Any Given Sunday?

Get his input about weekend plans with the parents. While they appreciate the effort you make in hiding your shopping packages, husbands know you keep them in the car until they leave.

One comment heard time and time again. Wives, initiate. Husbands want to know that you want to have a go at it. Do surprise them every now and then.

They want you to attack. Husbands are terrible at asking for directions when they are lost. Women, we know we can hash things out with our guys throughout a full marathon of Real Housewives.

Husbands have no desire to do this. Men really do acknowledge that we are better than them in a lot of areas. Ladies, try not pointing it out every time.

The men are starting to feel very insecure. Husbands need to have time alone. Sometimes wives confuse their being at work with alone time.

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Trying to initiate a handjob and being turned down is pathetic enough. But then he thinks he can seduce her by playing Pink's anti-war song "Dear Mr.

If you've ever heard the song, you would know that it is about Bush, not Clinton. Mistake: Not having been aborted by his mother.

Jeffrey Dahmer - If you're young, you probably don't remember this guy, but he was a White supremacist and serial criminal who killed and raped almost 30 black guys before going to jail.

Also, some of them he consumed since delusional people like that don't think about the ramifications of their stupid actions, usually because their mind is tricking them into thinking that "no" means "yes.

Mistake: Forgetting that there is a reason cannibalism is taboo. Remember the whole Mad Cow Disease media shitstorm? Well, the cause of the disease bovine encephalitis is pretty much accepted among cattle experts.

Do you know what the slurry fed to farm animals often contains? A cow eating beef is similar to a person from India eating beef.

They would not normally eat it under extreme measures or when the restaurant does not tell you the contents of its slurry.

If a human eats another human, perhaps once, nothing bad would happen. Eating poorly-prepared human flesh on a daily basis will cause you to develop kiri - the Ironic Disease.

Basically flesh-eating bacteria from the badly-processed meat enter the brain and eat you out from the inside. As the brain is consumed, it becomes apparent by their shaky hands, random laughter, paranoia, and manipulative abilities.

Don't believe me? Watch The Book of Eli. I could write a fucking book about how he is a manipulative asshole and still manages to bankrupt the country don't tell me he inherited the debt from the actions of Bush Version 2.

This is only because my official job doesn't pay shit. No one likes flowers anymore. Barack Obama's idea of imposing higher taxes on the wealthy - he might as well pay contractors to assassinate himself - just to prove a point.

My father is a high-ranking military officer in the United States Army. This is basically the incorrect Socialist thinking that all rich people are evil and dishonest.

What the fuck, man? Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and lots of Fortune members became rich because of their hard work. Basically I'm talking about an individual loyal his country, even at one point being a POW and some stints with the CIA which are "classified" - it's not like I'd tell!

You can hate the president and his administration but still love America at the same time. He used this to his advantage, because every time I speak of how I did not vote for him, mostly I'm asked: "Why?

Because he's Black? Not me! The presidential line of succession has been tweaked probably by the Democratic Party in favor of the current members of the party whose mascot is a jackass, whose president is a jackass, and whose leader is worse than the Holocaust.

Yes I know that there have been other stupid politicians in the past. Even some halfway-intelligent ones sometimes make stupid decisions.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt was basically Stalin-Lite. What people do not remember is that he more than doubled the size of the government through "programs" wherein jobless people could join the Civilian Conservation Corps or one of its clones for a dollar a day.

This sounds like a good idea when you think about it. But if you think more about it, you start to wonder where the money comes from.

Yes, of course he raised income taxes for the people who had a job. When work was scarce and someone had a job, the last thing you want is for your income to be taxed.

The truth is that most people who are rich have money because they work hard. Now the rapist Obama is fining my family for the crime of working hard.

If you are reading this, know that he is dangerous and must not be killed. This is a rare occasion in which I say violence is NOT the answer.

Help me think of some better ones. Posted by - A at AM No comments:. My Friends in General are Spacey. I woke up at like seven in the evening on the floor and Selphie and Enid were arguing with Blythe about something.

It turned out that they were blitzed out of their minds and could not fathom the fact that we did not have the thing they needed, thinking he was lying.

As soon as I brought out the twins though, my ever-so-spacey fairweather friends' focus shifted to them. I don't know why people love infants so much; obviously I naturally must love my own, but they're boring since they can't talk.

As soon as they learn I will have to ask them: how did it feel to be born? I wouldn't remember; I was passed out from the morphine. Pfft, natural births, eh.

Why not go with the drugs if they'll stop your pain? Just because it's called "labor" doesn't mean it has to be physically unpleasant.

Doing it without the aid of medicine does not make you a badass. Either way, Enid and Selphie will probably be spreading this recent news with the entire quadrant within a couple of days and I'll be getting phone calls left and right.

I do not like being popular! As a former child star I've been through that already! Labels: Babies , Friends. Friday, July 2, Oh shit.

I am not particularly required to inform you bastards about my mysterious sickness that has been bothering the shit out of me, what with all the nausea and all.

Let's just say that the most important point is that I had to pool the money I "legally" earned with that of my significant other for reasons both monetary and "other" reasons.

Fucking twins, what the fuck. Christ I'm going to have to get a second job. Also at least I have a second reason to get married to my fiancee; it is more convenient for me!

I love my babies but I ain't going to quit my job at the bank. It's the perfect job, and when I'm not swindling rich white fucks, I have some Access.

His game is more advanced than mine; a Space Mafia is more interesting than a bunch of Black people killing each other with weapons that I create and load myself, eh?

I currently am designing a space shuttle to take me to the moon so that I may bring back to Earth some moon rocks and possibly some extinct Lunar life my Love speaks of.

Karen and Alix shall be the first infants on Luna, I'll tell you what. But seriously between my job at the bank, another job which shall not be mentioned, and my Blythe's job with some temporary Alaskan bastards and his other job that needs not be mentioned for the sake of our currency.

But still though we have two beautiful liabilities and a DID-affected fiance whose asshole leaks thousands of dollars a month of which half goes towards crack and brandy.

Christ I don't think I've ever drank this much brandy in months due to the pain that the MS Contin does not totally fix.

Oh, and by the way, neither Alix nor Karen are crack babies. They'll discover it when they do. In the meantime I must keep all I have to myself and not even tell Blythe about all of it.

Fairweather: Former Child [Pornography] Star who by the way did not choose those motherfuckingly terrible names for the Kids - that was me obviously.

Yes I do have some pictures from several years ago; if you're lucky you'll see Hottie Allison in all her beauty.

No nudity though, unless you subscribe to me by requesting my email address and subscribe to the pale, white ass that calls itself mine.

If you want to have sex with me, however, I would have to add some increasingly-ridiculous stipulations. For the record my Love is reading all that I am currently typing and finds it hilarious.

I no longer like the concept of myself sleeping alone or even passing out alone drunk to wake up without Him. I'm SUCH a girl! My life will become even better later this month from selling a dozen puppies and some money and a box full of emeralds or some other green stones.

Think of what you are doing! Not the kind I want done to me, but hell, even if my Love died of syphilis, emphysema, asthma, gunshot wound, or "accidentally" taking too many sleeping pills.

My Love recommends a mixture of vodka, quetiapine, and alprazolam. Hydromorphone is also recommended. Other than nuking oneself from orbit, this is the only way to be sure.

Rapists and murderers and Democrats aside, it's five-thirty in the morning and my girls need to go to bed.

So do I; as a studious intellectual four-day-long study binges are necessary. In fact apart from the seizures they can cause, I highly recommend such kinds of drugs.

Desoxyn apparently makes me even more wonderful than usual. I must put my daughters to bed because if I don't accomplish a task it never gets done since Blythe is constantly busy.

So am I though, but I work fewer hours. I still don't like working here because of all the Mexicans. I almost want to move to Arizona for its anti-Mexican laws Arizona is not much better than this sewer drain full of illegal immigrants stealing my electricity.

This shit's gonna kill me someday, but eh. Life goes on. Oh, wait Do you remember my friend who I would refer to only as "Dyson"?

Probably not, because I never posted anything regarding Dyson, who lives in Atlanta and still owes me a significant amount of cocaine. I got this ridiculous email from him a couple of days ago, out of the blue, and this guy accuses me of snitching on him or something that made him go to jail.

Obviously I was insulted because I did not tell anyone of our private business and denied his accusations since when do I rat out other members of the Revolution - treason against other Revolutionary officers must be punished by firing squad?

I did stay diplomatic because as it turned out after several verifications by other people he accused that he was not lying.

I would buy from him again, but no more fronting ridiculous amounts of money. But I have to hand it to him; he incorrectly thought that I had purposely ratted him out, but still Dyson did not mention me or the others involved at the trial and instead chose jail.

If you are reading this and agree with me on my "opinion" because seriously you guys my opinion also happens to be fact, since I'm that vain but also because it is the only logical one , if you are reading this, you are a member of the Revolution.

That is what the Revolution is all about. Posted by - A at PM No comments:. Labels: jail , the Revolution. Verdict: -Molestation: 10 they did not describe it!

Verdict: -The Randomness Factor: 50 I mean, come on… two librarians killed in one fell swoop? Oh, wai- - llison J. God sure loves his funnies.

Today the bastard woke me up at five in the afternoon only to realize that there was no weed. So I called three people until my best friend and best customer finally picks up and I go over.

So there is some weed they have, and only leave me with one tiny bit to get me through the night at the end. A tiny goddamn ball that can't even make a decent joint.

This is how they treat their dealer? Forget the Hebrew practice of stinginess, this is something completely different.

The sad thing is, I don't even think they even realized that they did some thing wrong, so I am not angry at them, probably because that's what's expected from an individual who randomly walks into your house like they were Larry David.

I'm watching these classic Steve Austin matches, it's so awesome I'd have an erection if it were not for the lack of a penis. Labels: Friends , Rude People , Weed.

We were driving into the complex where I own a condominium and we see a baby running on the street, towards a major road. Ten seconds later I'm out of the car, literally sprinting at probably 20mph in order to save the baby.

I ran so fast that I tripped, flipped right over onto my head and then my knees but I got up despite the unimaginable pain my left knee is totally shattered and continued to dart after the baby, collecting her, and returning her to her grandmother who was not fast enough to get the girl herself.

So yes, I'm a beer-swilling redneck badass who don't take shit from no one but I saved the baby and I felt a natural high also meth and alcohol knowing that I saved her.

This is why God made me, clearly. Get into a fight. Get into a fight with someone you're angry with. It's easy to beat the ever-living shit out of them.

But saving a baby? I don't care - I still saved the baby despite the shattering of my left kneecap and it was worth it. Everyone say "Allison is Great.

Labels: Babies. Thursday, June 3, Introducing Jessie Because I'm Insane and on a Meth Binge. As you idiots already know, the particular corpse in which I reside whose name is Allison Fairweather and I am apparently according to the psychologist "her alter.

Maybe I am real and she is not? How many personalities has Allison told you about? There is myself Jessie and Allison and Zack and Jake and Lindsay and JessiKa this is indicative that I am the one who's real - there is no "AllySon" that I know of , but most likely there are more alters.

Like Kelsey and Kimberly that Allison doesn't know about. She thinks she's the "main" alter? Well I have some things to say to her because my memories are just as real as hers.

She thinks she can "erase" me? The doctor wants all the personalities to "integrate? When a sentence commences in such a fashion, you just know nothing good could come from this.

As always, I am right, since half an hour ago I woke up having relations with Riley, Rachel, and Kate.

I literally have not slept for about fifty hours because of methamphetamine's stimulant characteristics. Seriously the only reason I take opiates and opioids is because of several sources of pain: the cancer, the fall off the roof, me getting into a fight with a black asshole who sold me shitty weed, and getting hit by a car Someone or other is going to be bringing me methadone and MORE VALIUM every heroin addict who's ever "cut down" knows that they must convince a physician to put them on methadone maintenance - then the Junkies immediately go back home, call their dealer s , order Klonopins, combine it with the methadone and all the sudden you feel as if you've taken ACTUAL morphine - and now I'm taking 3 different benzodiazepines?

This is the shit that my life has become. It's ridiculous. Doctors must hear this shit every day. Husbands are terrible at asking for directions when they are lost.

Women, we know we can hash things out with our guys throughout a full marathon of Real Housewives. Husbands have no desire to do this. Men really do acknowledge that we are better than them in a lot of areas.

Ladies, try not pointing it out every time. The men are starting to feel very insecure. Husbands need to have time alone.

Sometimes wives confuse their being at work with alone time. They need to unwind too and let loose with their guy friends. So you see? Husbands can be pretty reasonable.

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